Identity Crisis
As I stumbled over an article I was reading today on the internet, I remembered having a conversation with my mother few years ago.
"Mom, isn't it sad that dad and you have spent all your life making our life better? In the whole process, where did all your individuality go? Where did all the things you wanted to do in life go?"
"One of the biggest things we wanted to do in life is make your lives better. And that is exactly what we have done."
That got me thinking. Is this what a parent's life should be like? Devoting all your time, effort, love, money, care, support towards your children at any given instance since they are your utmost priority and responsibility? Somehow, that didnt convince me then and it still doesn't.
Giving birth to a life is a hugest responsibility which any individual can have in a life time. Making sure that you carry out your task without any flaws is what is expected of you. As a parent, you are the care taker of that life. But does that mean your life revolves around your child's life? I don't think so.
Relationships matter, families matter, love matters -- but personal happiness matters too! Your happiness should not be solely contingent on your children's lives. It is important for parents to make their children realise this in the early years because tomorrow these kids are going to a part of larger and more complex relationships. I believe it is important not to go through the guilt of owing it back to your parents since they have done everything for you. Gratitude towards parents should exist. However, it shouldn't be shown because of the burden of guilt we carry due to all the sacrifices our parents make during their life time.
It is perfectly possible to shower love and guidance to children and at the same time make them realise that your happiness doesn't rely on what they do. Also, living in an Indian society parents begin to expect in return from their children simply because they feel they have the right to demand for all the sacrifices they have done in the early years. And when expectaions are not met, relationships get sour.
I believe, the key to any relationship to work out is personal happiness. When you are happy with yourself and not dependent on anyone else for your joy, the relationship gets stronger and blooms to be more beautiful. There should always be a want for something and not a need for it.
Parenthood is a role... not an all-consuming identity!!
posted by Swati @ 4:32 AM
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