Not just jazz

Every decision you make is a mistake

2007-02-15T04:27:00.000-08:00

Happens to me every now and then.

I decide to leave work at 5pm and when the clock strikes five, I change my mind. Why? Clueless

I walk into a store to shop. I like couple of outfits and when its time to decide, I am not sure which one to pick. Why? Clueless

All through the week I wait for the weekend to do things which I can't do over weekdays. Finally when the weekend arrives I do nothing. Why? Clueless

"Change is the only thing that is constant" - But change even before doing anything is scary.

While writing this blog, I was browsing the internet and look what I found...
It is worthwhile to mention that sometimes the most intelligent, clear, and perceptive individuals are those who can also be described as "indecisive."

I am glad to be the way I am ;-)

Bolo Guru

2007-01-20T21:02:00.000-08:00

It's not fair. It never is. Had this same movie been made by anyone else he would have been on a pedestal. Unfortunately it is not. It is Mani ratnam. From some people you expect the world, because more often then not, they have delivered it. From a director who gave us Mouna ragam, Nayagan, Roja and Dil se. A Guru? You still see the deft handling of relationship just like Mouna ragam. You still see the sensitivity of portrayal of the villian-hero just like Nayakan. But where is the picturisation of songs like in Roja and Dil se? Where is the attention to detail? Where is the boldness to say the things the way it is like Bombay?

Precisely for these reasons, Guru fails. You enjoy the raw confidence and support an ambitious guy like Guru through everything. You enjoy Guru's rise to Guru bhai even when he breaks laws. You expect a nice cat and mouse game between Abhishek and Madhavan. But it all fritters to lame ending where Guru turns out like a Govt's puppet capitalism professer... You still see his stamp on few scenes. Like the scene where Abhishek goes to ask for Aishwarya's hand. like when Abhishek and Aishwarya go back to their old house. when Madhavan asks for Vidya balan's hand, when Mithun comes to know about Abhishek's stroke. But as said, from Mani's stable you expect a winner everytime. Not scenes where Abhishek, Madhavan and Mithun sleep walk through their roles.

(See what the powerful speech in court by Abhishek turns out to be. hello, where was the scriptwriter?) But apart from few scenes, Abhishek has done an amazing job. And Aishwarya, in one of those rare roles, is tolerable.

As an ode to the movie, this post ends abruptly wtihout saying much... ;-)

To you...

2006-12-24T04:14:00.000-08:00

It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

Yippie!!

2006-11-23T02:40:00.000-08:00

Finally I have a camera to myself. I've always been fascinated by photography and now with my new toy, I'm sure to play around with it and sharpen my skills. I'm really excited to get started! But before I do, I must say "Thank you" :-)

Coming Back to Life

2006-11-10T01:30:00.000-08:00

Lost in thought and lost in time
While the seeds of life and the seeds of change were planted
Outside the rain fell dark and slow
While I pondered on this dangerous but irresistible pastime
I took a heavenly ride through our silence
I knew the moment had arrived
For killing the past and coming back to life

I took a heavenly ride through our silence
I knew the waiting had begun
And headed straight..into the shining sun

Identity Crisis

2006-10-31T04:32:00.000-08:00

As I stumbled over an article I was reading today on the internet, I remembered having a conversation with my mother few years ago.

"Mom, isn't it sad that dad and you have spent all your life making our life better? In the whole process, where did all your individuality go? Where did all the things you wanted to do in life go?"

"One of the biggest things we wanted to do in life is make your lives better. And that is exactly what we have done."

That got me thinking. Is this what a parent's life should be like? Devoting all your time, effort, love, money, care, support towards your children at any given instance since they are your utmost priority and responsibility? Somehow, that didnt convince me then and it still doesn't.
Giving birth to a life is a hugest responsibility which any individual can have in a life time. Making sure that you carry out your task without any flaws is what is expected of you. As a parent, you are the care taker of that life. But does that mean your life revolves around your child's life? I don't think so.

Relationships matter, families matter, love matters -- but personal happiness matters too! Your happiness should not be solely contingent on your children's lives. It is important for parents to make their children realise this in the early years because tomorrow these kids are going to a part of larger and more complex relationships. I believe it is important not to go through the guilt of owing it back to your parents since they have done everything for you. Gratitude towards parents should exist. However, it shouldn't be shown because of the burden of guilt we carry due to all the sacrifices our parents make during their life time.

It is perfectly possible to shower love and guidance to children and at the same time make them realise that your happiness doesn't rely on what they do. Also, living in an Indian society parents begin to expect in return from their children simply because they feel they have the right to demand for all the sacrifices they have done in the early years. And when expectaions are not met, relationships get sour.

I believe, the key to any relationship to work out is personal happiness. When you are happy with yourself and not dependent on anyone else for your joy, the relationship gets stronger and blooms to be more beautiful. There should always be a want for something and not a need for it.

Parenthood is a role... not an all-consuming identity!!

Thoughts...

2006-10-16T23:29:00.000-07:00

How easy is it to make a blunder?
How easy is it to ask for forgiveness?
And how easy is it to actually forgive?

Is forgiving someone so tough? I wonder!

Staying Alive

2006-10-04T07:22:00.000-07:00

People walk into our lives everyday. Some stay but the others move on. Some move on but still stay. That's the beauty of relationships.

Fragile

2006-09-27T00:11:00.000-07:00

Its been 3 months to this date. All it took was one fine morning where nothing went right.. or maybe wrong. A spark... caused by friction of minds, words... acted as oxygen and the spark grew into a flame, attitudes and emotions... energized the flame to a fire

It all got burnt.

Still I am not sure if all went wrong or just right

Current Mood: Blank

Carted Away

2006-09-21T22:41:00.000-07:00

Speed thrills but kills - Read this at a traffic light in Bangalore few weeks ago. Ironically, while reading this board, we were speeding on a bike on a not so empty road.

I agree with the ad as I am slightly sceptical about riding bikes at high speeds. The sceptism could be a result of a small freaky bike accident I had few months ago. Speeding bikes and cars gives me a chill down my spine. I prefer taking it easy and playing safe.

And yesterday I went karting for the first time. At the first sight, I decided to kart in a 2 seater with my friend driving. As we started, he sped along so quick that I was almost petrified that I will die.... I yelled with fear and laughed because I was enjoying every minute of it... all at the same time. He increased pace further, drifted and screeched. Felt like some racing video game. He tried all the racing stunts and all along I was laughing and enjoying myself. Was I laughing because it was helping me forget my fear... I don't know. We did 7 laps and the ride was super!!

I was offered to do the single... but me being a me thought I wouldn't be able to handle that speed. My friend raced alone this time (feel stupid to have not done the single)

Tried my hand at pool after ages.... sucked at it big time. In a short time the lights on the racing track were up and my friend and I decided to race again. Initially I wanted to do the double with him. But he coaxed me to try driving this time for couple of laps. I for once, got brave and decided to give it at shot. I raced pretty well. I screeched and tried drifting. I accelerated, and timed all my turns pretty well. Did 7 laps with 2 glitches in between. But for a first time, I did well. I was happy. I can't end this blog without thanking my friend who convinced me to do it. Thank you :-)

After all the gaming, had a quiet dinner at a swanky restaurant in B'lore. A day well spent.

I

2006-09-12T23:48:00.000-07:00

I am thinking about...
...what to write, what not to write

I said...
...yes even before being asked

I want to...
...try sky diving some day

I wish...
...I can get rid of my fear for animals and heights

I hear...
..."laa la laa laa laa... " these days ;-)

I wonder...
...how I manage to think so much within a second

I regret...
...that I've never actually managed to be inspired enough to follow my passions.

I am...
...someone who has a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me as much as a week sometimes to make it up.

I dance...
...to music

I sing...
...once in 2 months when I finally decide its time to get back to my music lessons, which I started a while ago.

I cry...
...very easily

I am not always...
...what I appear to be

I make with my hands...
...burnt food ;-)

I write...
...less than half of the blogs I actually decide to write

I confuse...
...people, sit back and watch the fun

I need...
...Music, water and my sunscreen wherever I go

And finally...
...I manage to complete this tag!!!

Thanks and Regards to Shady and Mithun

People I want to put through this torture are...

Wini
Chintan
Green-eyed Goblin
Mayur
Siddharth

Thought into Action

2006-09-06T23:46:00.000-07:00

I was standing at the ticket counter waiting for my turn to buy a ticket to andheri on thursday morning. As I waited in queue, the station flooring was wet, dirty and stinking due to passing showers. I was feeling so miserable standing there and just thought to myself... I am so glad I don't work in Mumbai. Just when I thought that, I heard a group of people standing ahead of me speaking out loud... "Usko uthao... bichara baccha ro raha hai" - Pick him up. Poor kid is crying.

I peeped to see what was happening ahead of me. I see a boy age 5 with another kid age less than 1 sitting against the wall of the ticket counter on the floor. Both the kids were in rags, partially unclothed sitting in filth. They were oblivious to the world around them. The boy age 5 had a stone face with no expression what so ever. Nothing bothered him. So much so that the other kid who was an infant was crying desparately but nothing moved the other kid. Finally when people asked him to pick his kid brother (an assumption I am making), he lifted the baby and took him to the other side of the same ticket booking area and dropped him "thud" on the ground. He then sat right next to the crying kid staring into space. The kid continued crying loudly and got restless as each second passed by. His sound of crying was lost with the horns honking, dogs barking, people talking, vegetable vendors yelling. No one paid attention. No one acted. By then it was my turn to get my ticket. I was running late for an appointment with my doctor at andheri. I picked my ticket and decided to attend to the kid crying. I turned towards the baby and stopped right before the kid. I wasnt sure if I should assist or not. I paused for a second and something in me held me back from helping them and I decided to move on. I walked passed the children towards the train. As I boarded the train I was feeling miserable to have not helped them. I made a fervent prayer to GOD to come to their assistance NOW.... RIGHT NOW! I felt weak as a human being not having helped them. But at the same time, I felt helpless.

Feelings were mixed. These kids are deprived of love. They become emotionless. They have no fear. But does that mean they grow up to be strong individuals? I wonder....

Nonetheless I decided, if I see a similar situation again, I shall help. I shall not think about the consequences of my action. I shall act. As long as I know what my intentions are, nothing can go wrong. I felt lighter after making this decision. Now I only need an oppurtunity to put the thought into action.

But I shall continue to make my prayer for those kids and many more homeless children each morning for guidance and hope to live each day happily and give them the wisdom and strength to fight life fearlessly.

High Flying

2006-09-04T22:08:00.000-07:00

Speed of an airplane, Rising height, Mumbai under lights, City festivities, Asia's largest hutment, Blue plastic covered roofs, Vastness of the Sea, Waves hitting the shore, Stillness of the Ocean, Over whelming, Tiny specs of human existance, Swirling in air over the endless ocean away from the Sun, Churning of the tummy, Turbulant ride, Excitement, Sun Rays hitting your face, Spotless Blue sky, Burning Sun setting for the day, Twilight, Beautiful, Inspiring, Concrete jungle, Thin strip of land, Layers of Clouds like a Cotton bed, More layers of cloud, Sun Set, Darkness at 35k ft above sea level, And more darkness, Fading lights of smaller towns, Descend begins, Plunges 10k ft towards ground zero, Visibility improves, Brightly lit city down below, Circles around the city descending further down and finally the landing.
I have flown between Mumbai and Bangalore umpteen times in the last 2 years and each time I am asked for a choice of seat by the airline staff, I never miss the chance to take a window seat. To see the same sight again each time is breathtaking! But somehow, words cannot do justice to the experience one has!! Can't wait to be on board again :-)

Status

2006-08-16T09:19:00.000-07:00

End of day status: Happy

Blink

2006-08-16T00:30:00.000-07:00

Sometimes there are things you want so badly in life which happen to you just like the blink of an eye.

One moment it isn't around and the next moment it is all yours. Is this just coincidence?

I r'ber reading a line from the book The Alchemist - Paulo Cohelo
"I truly believe....When you want something really badly......like your heart is yearning for it...then the whole universe conspires for you to get it!!"

This statement actually makes you believe that you have complete control over your life and can achieve what you want.

Pondering over the line mentioned above, if that's how life works, then what about the law of karma? Does that exist? My belief is that it does exist. But I also believe in the line from The Alchemist. Things have happened to me time and again which re-affirms my belief in the philosophy .

The question that still remains with me is that wanting something real bad may also be a part of my karma? Is there any way to find out? Maybe or maybe not!

Mysteriously Lovely

2006-08-14T02:01:00.000-07:00

Feels light, feels beautiful
Have never felt like this before
Feels special, Feels wanted
Would not want to feel anything else anymore.

It's lone and quiet

2006-08-10T02:06:00.000-07:00

Serene and Scenic - Allepy backwaters, Kerala

My first time..

2006-08-08T01:38:00.000-07:00

I have never done this. Feels exciting. But wait. Is this safe? Is it ok? Is it right? I mean.. am I ready for it? Oh.. this is just about blogging. big duh ;-D